Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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