Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
