It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
