wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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