Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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