Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
