Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
