he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize