Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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