Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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