honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
