break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
