Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize