TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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