Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize