yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize