I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Less talking, more tequila
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
