just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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