It was confusing and full of hummus
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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