Can Purell be used as lube?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
