I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
