the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
