I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
