so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
