Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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