My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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