Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
