I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
