Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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