but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
