The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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