Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
