i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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