yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
