I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
