seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
