My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
