6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
