i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
