when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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