thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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