yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
