Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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