Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
