Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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