hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
