but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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