I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
