What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
