is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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