My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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