my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
