he wants to bone in the snuggie
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
