you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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