Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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