I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
