I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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