The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
