This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
