Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
