fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
