He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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