I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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