I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize