me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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