her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
