Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
